Dear Lucas (2021)

This will be my final annual letter to you. It will not be the last time I write about you, mental health, suicide prevention, or any other subject encapsulated in this universe. It will just be the final time I sit down on the eve of your passing with the intention of searching for a lesson to be found in your sudden loss and sharing it with the world.

Instead, for a multitude of reasons, I want to give myself the freedom to explore, read, learn, and share with others. I want inspiration to come organically. I want to remove constraints forced upon me by the calendar. But please do not think I have forgotten about you or that I am somehow ready to move on. Without exception, you cross my mind on a daily basis, and I hope you always will. In the seven years since your passing, I have raised nearly $10,000 for suicide prevention in your honor. I have spoken publicly about you. I have written countless essays and poems about you. These things are my gift and I intend to use my gift in an attempt to save whoever I can.

In the last seven years, I have written about the following: the passing of time, sudden loss, guilt, mental health, the power of story, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, shame, and suffering. All of these essays have led me to this moment in time and, perhaps, the most powerful lesson of them all.