The Taco Bell Breakfast Menu

I am no culinary snob. On late nights, you can see my motor running in line for food that satisfies but later will cause massive regret. Chain restaurants know my name. Still, despite all Pete Davidson’s begging, I am not eating from the Taco Bell breakfast menu.

My late-night trips to Taco Bell are often born out of a need for convenience. I have either worked late and abandoned the idea of stirring pots and pans upon my arrival home or I am drunk. There is no other reason for me to visit the Bell. Nathan, with free evenings, doesn’t eat fast “Mexican” food. A sober Nathan doesn’t either.

Taco Bell fills a void and then punishes me for it. Without getting too grotesque, the Bell is a lot like a shotgun. I am spraying or praying. Either way, I am filled with regret. Alas, I never learn my lesson. But I have learned a lesson. I will not begin my day in pain and agony. Life is rotten enough. Why add more turmoil to my day?

Which leads me to a broader point. There are lots of other things I will never do. Most are silly. A couple are serious.

Despite moving to democratize space via tech billionaires like Twitter’s current owner, the King of Blood Diamonds himself, Elon Musk, I will never go into space. Now, I would relish the opportunity to launch into orbit and stare back at the big blue marble. My mind races with…